No Johns Sir

John #4

2005-02-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

This is the first orally told John on the website! Congratulations!

Context: HFF is trying to stop thinking about Reese
HFF: *Smacks self in forehead* Ouch! That hurt!
ME: No Johns.

Everyday Johns #1,2,3

2005-02-02T21:49:00.000-08:00

I ran out of room in my AIM profile (goto the profile on this site to get it) so i decided to update my blogs with John's i hear throughout my day. Most of these will be online but if i hear one orally that is memorable, it will find it's way here.

NOTE: please do not intentionally John just to get in here

#1: 2/1/05
Context: In regards to Jessica's 200 bowling game
ME: 200...that's kinda good
Reese: She cheated. Fucking energy drinks.
ME: John

#2: 2/2/05
Context: Discussing ways to pass the 25 hours until the OC starts.
Jessica: I've been trying to watch Matrix Reoladed all day but someone's always making too much noise or playing playstation and crap.
ME: No Johns.
Jessica: sorry
ME: That's right.

#3: 2/2/05
Context: See Linnea's xanga
*This was WAY too long for in here so i've got the conclusion*
Linnea: Life is just stressful...Yeah I know...no johns.
ME: I know you've already admitted it...but, no johns.

2005-02-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

This site is devoted to all the complainers and excuse-makers in the world today. There's only one thing they need to hear in order to understand that what they've said is wrong, "No Johns Sir". This post will explain the usage of the word and when you can use it.

Definition:
John (N)- A complaint or excuse. Magnitude of the john is not an issue. For example, a minor and a major complaint are deserving of equal reactions.
To John- To complain or make an excuse. Can be conjugated to johnning for use as a present progressive verb.

Usage:
They are several ways to tell people they are saying a john and if i missed any I'd appreciate feedback.
No Johns- The most basic and common way to express yourself. Sir can be added to tell people you really mean business, gender issues need not apply.
Sure is cold in here, someone must be johning up a storm- This leads the Johnner into a red herring; a different subject is brought up when all along you're talking about their complaint or excuse
Hey John, could you [insert action]-Confuses the target into thinking you want a menial task done when you're agenda actually only entails you getting the best of them.

When to use it:
Not all johns are worth mentioning, pick your battles. Personally, I try and go for the obvious ones: I'm cold, [random force] caused me to lose/fail/suck at life, I would've have [Action] if it hadn't been for [person or action] (Scooby doo is a great example of this).
Avoid the set up. I've found myself guilty of this before so if i said not to ever do it i'd be a hypocrite but occasionally it can break the ice in a conversation or make someon'es day. Example: Why did you [Action]? *Wait for response and cutoff mid sentence* No Johns.

Now, it's important to understand that learning to recognize John's is an art. In fact, i think it should be considered a fine art and that i should be able to drop digital imaging...but for now we'll stick with an art. I don't expect everyone who reads this to understand this word after reading this but all i ask is for you to make the effort to make John an everyday word in your
vocabulary.